He's 13

This boy turned 13 yesterday. I can not believe that 13 years have flown by so fast. It still feels like Hubs and I were bringing him home from the hospital the other day. 

He is so smart and funny. He loves God. He's not afraid to try new things or step out of his comfort zone. 

I am so proud of the young man he is turning into. 

Happy 13th birthday R2, I love you!
 

Snowmageddon 2018

In the past month it has snowed here in Southeast Texas three times. Yes you read that correctly, three times.  

It would be safe to say at this point Mother Nature is bi-polar and has clearly been off of her medication for quite some time. 

Saturday the local weathermen started prepping us for the imminent cold weather with don't forget to bring in your pets, cover your pipes and plants, mind you it 70 degrees at the time. But by Monday evening schools were announcing closures because the icepocalyspe was upon us. 

It did not get above freezing on Tuesday and it snowed here for hours. We only received about an inch or two but it was so pretty coming down. I will admit I was mesmerized as I stood by the window and watch the huge snowflakes fall to the ground.

 There is just something about snowflakes that I love.

The Storm

"And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. you won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. when you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in."

Many of my friends are just now getting back into their homes after Hurricane Harvey. Their homes are not completely ready but months of living either in a travel trailer or elsewhere has made them desperate to be back in their home so once it's in livable condition they are moving in.

I know this feeling all to well.

However it's what happens when they get back in their home that they are now experiencing that I have been going through since the first part of December and probably earlier if I am being honest. 

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD. It's real people and don't let anyone tell you it's not.

Mine does not have me so debilitated that I can not function but it's there and usually comes in full force in the middle of the night and wakes me up out of a dead sleep.

Mine shows up two ways. One is I wake up in the middle of the night heart racing and feeling as if I am trying to out run the flood waters as they enter my old house, only I can't. The other is the feeling of I am floating at the top of my ceiling and I am watching the flood waters enter my home. I am watching as the water gets higher and higher. I see the current moving all of our furniture around.

My friends are all having similar dreams or feelings. We all know what it is and we all know it will take time and we are leaning on each other. We want things back to the way they were, the old normal.

So even though the storm is over, I nor they are the same person who walked in. 

Happy New Year - 2018

Happy New Year!

As I sit here reflect back on 2017 I am overwhelmed by the thoughts that just keep coming. It's almost like the waves crashing on the shoreline, one right after the other.

2017 was an emotional year to say the least. Losing our house and everything we owned was extremely difficult but through it all I always chose to stay positive. Sure there were bad days where I would sit in my own personal pity party because of my circumstances but I always pulled myself out and put an end to that. I had a family that needed me to focus on them and not my situation.

I always knew that God was in control and he was going to take care of me and my family. I just had a sense of peace. It's hard to describe. It was a faith I knew I had but never realized how deep it went. I just knew that we would come out of this and some how, some way, my family would survive and move on.

And we have moved on. We celebrated Christmas in our new home and New Year's Eve with new neighbors. 

But I have not forgotten what brought us here. I am definitely not the same person I was before the flood. Hurricane Harvey changed me. He left his mark deeply embedded on my life. 

Hurricane Harvey taught me a few things. I can do anything for a short amount of time. I am stronger than I give myself credit for. There are some wonderful people in the world who will come and help complete strangers because there was a need. I learned even though I said it was trash, it still was painful to toss it to the curb, but I also survived it all being thrown away. I have some pretty amazing friends. As long as my family is safe and they are with me, everything would be alright. I learned that everything is going to be OK, maybe not that day or the next or even 102 days later but in time it will be.

New House and the Great Snow of 2017

So after Hurricane Harvey decided to dump 7ft of water in our house Hubs and I began talking about what we wanted to do regarding our rebuild. 

If you remember, Hurricane Ike in 2008 put three trees in our house so we remodeled then. Our neighborhood flooded in 1994 and Hubs grew up in our neighborhood and he was just finishing up college and still lived at home so he helped his parents remodel the home where he grew up.

After the shock wore off we began to discuss our options. Neither one of us wanted to rebuild our home. We wanted to sell it as is and move. We also had flood insurance so we formulated a plan. 

We were able to sell our flooded and gutted home. And because we owned that home the money from that sale was ours. We used our insurance money to put down a nice big chunk of change on a brand new construction home that we had fallen in love with. As it so happened the house was only two weeks away from being complete when we found it. We immediately put a contract on the house and began the month long waiting period that is better knows as gather every piece of financial information you can find for the past 1000 years and send it all to the mortgage company.  

December 7 that house became ours. In the days leading up to the closing Hubs and I furiously began purchasing items we lost. While it should have been fun it actually was overwhelming. We started by purchasing the necessities. Three beds and three sets mattresses, four nightstands, bedding for all three beds,  a refrigerator,  washing machine and dryer, a couch, new end tables, two new chairs, a dining room table with chairs, shower curtain for the boys bathroom, and towels for all of us. 

Oh and that is the short list. Imagine trying to replace every single item in your kitchen, livingroom, bedroom, bathroom and beyond in a matter of three days. See, overwhelming. 

But the good news is we did it.

Thursday, December 7, 2017 was our first night in our brand new home. And this is we woke up to on Friday morning, the great snow storm of 2017. In my defense 4 inches is a snow storm in Southeast Texas. 

So pretty!

Want to know the last time it snowed in Southeast Texas, the year Hurricane Ike hit. Mother Nature sure does have a sense of humor.

 

Saddlwood Court

Goodbye Saddlewood Court. 

You were a great place to start my marriage and bring my babies home to. For seventeen years this house held a lot of love within it's walls. 

I would have stayed for another seventeen but Hurricane Harvey had other plans. 

I hope the next family that lives within your walls has just as much love and makes as many wonderful memories as we did. 

Leaving is bittersweet.  

Words

I haven't posted anything in a while, but that is nothing new. Posting to my blog became sporadic as life took on new twists and turns. New adventures is how I tell my kids to look at them. 

To be honest, sometimes I like the old adventures, the new ones can sometimes be scary, even as an adult.

The past 90 days have been tough, a nightmare to be honest. The flood that destroyed our home and caused us to start a new adventure was not one any of us wanted to be on. It's still so painful and the hurt is still so raw. 

I can post pictures on here all day long, write words to describe our situation in detail but unless you personally experience it, it is hard to grasp, hard to wrap your head around and understand. I've wanted to blog about the flood but I can never find the right words to explain how deeply this has affected me and my family. 

Scared

Shattered

Torn

Grateful

Blessed

Hopeful

Thankful

We are all of these, every day and so much more.

College Tour

R1 is a senior in high school and has already applied for early admissions to several colleges and two weeks ago he received his first acceptance letter to his top in-state college, Dallas Baptist University. 

R1 has been to the DBU campus several times with FCA for summer camp and has always said how much he liked it and how beautiful the campus is. 

Prior to him receiving his acceptance letter we scheduled for us to attend Patriot Preview Day to get a better feel for the campus so him receiving an acceptance just solidified us attending. 

Saturday morning we pulled up to DBU and made our way to Pilgrim Chapel where Patriot Preview Day was to begin. This picture does not even do this place justice. It was simply amazing.

After a short time of worship we had a schedule laid out for us with places across campus to visit and small break out sessions to attend so the DBU staff could tell us everything we would need to know about our child attending college here.

We spend the entire day at DBU and at the end I looked at R1 and asked him if was comfortable there and could he see himself living in the dorm, attending classes, getting involved in campus life and his response was an immediate YES!

As a parent there is no greater joy than knowing your child has been accepted to a college of his choice and is working hard to make that decision a reality. 

This senior year parenting gig is hard at times but also extremely rewarding.  I’m so proud of R1 and all that he has accomplished through out high school. 

I’m not gonna lie it makes me a little sad that this time has gone by so fast but, I’m more excited at what the future holds for him.

We Are The Champions!

Oh yeah we are!

I'm still in shock that my beloved Astros are the World Series Champions! This series was one of the most exciting to watch. 

Thank you Houston Astros, it's been an amazing season! 

#earnedhistory  #astroswonitall #baseballhangover #astrosfanforlife #astrosarenumberone

 

I still miss this man

I still miss this man. Time has not lessened the hurt.  The pain is just as raw today as it was two years ago. I don't think it will ever ease. 

There is an ache deep in my heart that longs to talk to him, hug him, and just be in his presence.  I want to talk to him about all that has been going on recently. I want him to give me advice and to tell that I'm not failing as a parent like I feel I am. 

I love you daddy and I wish I had one more day with you.

 

For Sale

I haven't updated in a while because well things are mostly the same. House still gutted and we are still waiting on insurance

But what is different is this...

Hubs sent me this picture earlier last week. Yep, that is a for sale sign in our yard. And yes that is our scrapped out yard in the background from the trucks that picked up the contents of our flooded home. Part of the tag line in the listing says, "flooded and gutted". 

It's a bittersweet moment. I'm happy that it's on the market and hopefully it will sell quickly but it's also sad. 

This was the home that has built me for most of my adult life. This was the home that hubs and bought right after R1 turned 1, so he has grown up in this house. This is the house that we brought R2 home from the hospital so he's grown up in this house as well. So many firsts for my boys happened in this house.

This is the house we put a swing set with a fort in the back yard so the boys could have some fun when they were little. This is the house where my father in law gave me some of the day lilies from his backyard to put in our backyard because they originally belonged to his mother. (They were beautiful) This is the house where my kids learned how to make pancakes and how to use milk instead of water to make them extra fluffy.  This is the house where they helped Hubs make his epic size portions of Chex Mix. This is the house where we have held countless BBQ's and Easter egg hunts. This is the house we have popped countless fireworks on the 4th of July and New Year's Eve. This is the house where Hubs has cooked so many wonderful steak dinners I can't even count them. This is the house where one night we all laid on the driveway and watched a meteor shower.

This is the house that we remodeled after Hurricane Ike put three trees in it.  We thought about putting it on the market then but something deep inside told us no. We liked the changes that we made so we decided to stay and continue to raise the boys in the "new" house.

Hurricane Harvey however has changed our minds. We decided together that we just didn't want to stay and remodel again. I did not want to worry every time there was a hurricane if it would come our way and flood our house again. One flooded house is one to many in my eyes. 

So we have a plan and we are hopeful that is will all work out, quickly. We hope our plan is God's plan too. But we do know that whatever the plan is, God is in control and He already knows how this journey will end. We know that whatever it is, because we have faith in God, it will be amazing!

 

It's Just To Hard

It's 10:50pm on Thursday night and I'm sitting in my nephews room because Hurricane Harvey flooded out home and we are staying with my sister in law temporarily while we wait on our insurance money to come in so we can move forward from this horrendous nightmare.  

I'm sitting here reflecting on the day. R2 had is first junior high pep rally and football game. He did great and his team won their game. 

But it's what happened between the time the pep rally was over and when his game started that I thinking about over and over. 

After the pep rally R1 and I ran by our house to check the mail. Yes the mail is still delivering out there and since we technically own the home our mail is still being sent there. Usually Hubs stops by on his way out and checks it but today he asked me too. 

So as R1 and I round the corner there is a truck sitting in my driveway with two people in it. I stop to let them and they motion me by. I point and then pretty much screamed at them, THAT'S MY HOUSE SO GET OUT OF MY DRIVEWAY! The windows in my car were up in the car so they couldn't hear me but R1 did and he knew I was mad. The truck pulled out and I pulled in. I got out of the car still yelling and screaming at them. But what I saw next did such and emotional number on me I don't think i will ever be able to go back there. 

Once again my baby's clothing was thrown all over the place, this time they were in the road. When the trash trucks made their first pass and hauled off the majority of the stuff, they dropped the rubbermaid full of their nasty baby clothes keepsake items. They were thrown all over my yard. I cried for hours as I took the time to pick them up and thrown them away for the second time.

Apparently two times was not enough because the truck that was making a second pass they ripped open the bag and again all of my baby's keepsake items were now tossed about in the street. That was more than I could bare. I started to cry and then got back in the car. I told R1 it was time to go and I just couldn't be there anymore. 

We left and headed back up to the school to watch R2 play his first junior high football game. When we got back to the school I told Hubs I can't go back to that house. It's to hard. 

It's to hard to see their baby keepsake items in the street. It's to hard to see the first house we purchased all those years ago just a shell. It's to hard to think about the life we had there and how desperately I just want to go home. It's just to hard to think about all that we have lost. It's just to hard. 

I keep thinking about the this was the house that we purchased to raise our family in. the house we brought our baby's home to. The house that helped shape our marriage and family into what it is. The house that built us. 

It's just to hard to think about all of it. It's almost like the mourning the death of a loved one but it just keeps coming back to haunt you. 

I don't think I will be able to go back to that house, at least not until we sell it and we need to get the little bit of stuff out of the attic that is still there. 

The loss is just to great and the emotional toll it takes on me, well I can't even begin to describe it.  

It's just to hard. 

Having Grace

Recently we lost our house due to Hurricane Harvey. This particular storm sat on top of Southeast Texas and dumped more than 50 inches of rain in a span of 5 days. That is a years worth of rain in 5 days.  

Let your brain wrap around that one. 

This storm ended up putting 6 feet 9 inches of water inside my home and 7 feet 5 inches outside. So needless to say we are not currently living in our home. 

We are currently living with a family member and while it's not ideal we are trying to make it work. 

Some events unfolded early in the week around our living situation that just about brought me to my breaking point. It was very difficult for me to walk back into this family members home that evening with out being down right ugly. I had to remember my emotions were raw and they would cause me to react. When we did finally see one another after a long day at work and dinner out with my family I dug down deep inside and held a polite but short conversation with her and then I promptly retired to the room we are staying in. 

I realize that she has opened her to us and I am truly grateful for that. Because lets face it, who can afford a mortgage note and apartment rent at the same time. Not to many people. 
I realize that it's just as much an inconvenience for them as it is for us.

It's so hard to see the good when the things around you are so out of control. The good right now is my family is safe and we are all together under one roof, even if it's not our roof.

Hurricane Harvey One Month Later

I haven't been on here much because right now my life is such an emotional mess. 

It's been one month today, one extremely long month, that Hurricane Harvey hit and flooded my home. I'm not going to lie, every day has been a struggle. 

Our family is safe and together under one roof and we have all the comforts of home but it's not our home.  My sister in law and her family have taken us in. Their house is actually big enough and the boys have their space and we have ours but its just not the same. 

Our flood insurance adjuster came out last week on our anniversary to look at our home and take a few pictures. I handed him two flash drives full of pictures and he put them in his jeans pocket. I had three to four maybe six images of everything we owned. As we were removing the destroyed contents I was snapping away with my camera. 

I also had to fill out a contents spread sheet for the adjuster. That task alone was very daunting and emotion filled as I was looking at the pictures to fill out the spread sheet. It was a constant reminder everyday of what we lost and what I couldn't save. All I can tell you is that I cried everyday for a week and my emotional state was not good either. Realizing you didn't grab one of your children's baby books and didn't grab the folder with all of their awards from Pre-k to 5th grade nor did I grab the Rubbermaid with all of their keep sake items was more than I could stand. It was to much for this mama and her heart to handle.

This week the adjuster emailed Hubs and asked him if we had pictures to support the spread sheet. I told Hubs to give me the phone and I would handle it. I called the adjuster and asked him if he still had the two flash drives I had given him when he came that were loaded with pictures. He said let me look as I dump everything into a shared drive on my computer. He said he had them but wanted to know if they matched the spread sheet. I almost lost it at that point. I said I'm sorry but we have lost our house and everything in it. We had over six feet of water for 5 days. I took those pictures so you would have the documentation you needed and I would have memories of what we lost. I built the spread sheet with the help of those pictures. Everything in those pictures is documented in the spread sheet, I'm sure you will have no trouble finding the items mentioned. They may not be in order according to the sheet but they are there and you can scroll through them just as I did. He just replied with yes ma'am. 


Hubs and I also finally cleaned out his car which had kind of been our storage for cleaning supplies for our house. Since the house was now gutted down to roof, studs, and ceiling we could put those supplies in the garage area of the house and he could once again have his car back.  

I haven't really been back to our house because it's just to painful. I hate driving into our neighborhood and seeing everything torn apart. I hate seeing so much damage and every one's belongings on the side of the road. I hate that our entire neighborhood and the three others surrounding mind have all suffered the same amount of damage. I just hate it all. 

So now we are waiting on the insurance to send us the money so we can move forward with the process. I'm ready to be done with this process. I'm ready for it to be over.  I'm ready to move on. 

I just want to go home and I want normal. And I want it all right now. Harvey sucks!

Twenty Years

20 years ago today I walked down the aisle to say I do to the man I fell in love with. 

We have built an amazing life together. We've had some wonderful times and some not so wonderful times too. But through it all we have always loved one another. 

I would not want to take this journey with anyone else. 

I love you Hubs! Here's to us and and many many more years together.

Waiting for the Disaster to Pass

Have mercy on me, my God, have mercy on me,

 
    for in you I take refuge.

 
I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings

 
    until the disaster has passed.

Psalm 57:1

Hurricane Harvey Demo Day

Saturday Hubs and I were completely humbled by a group that came to our house and removed the contents, carpet, and padding of the last room in our home. 

They also demoed the entire home. In one day. All of it. Down to the studs.

The week before I had seen a post on Facebook that if you needed help from organizations such as Samaritan Purse, Habitat for Humanity, Baptist Men, etc. to call the phone number listed and they would create a ticket with your needs. So I called and created a ticket with them. They said they would be in contact in about three weeks. Honestly I pushed that information to the back of my mind. Friday afternoon they called letting me know they would be there the next day.

Saturday morning around 8:30 some men with the group, Mormon Helping Hands showed up and went to work. They only stopped long enough to eat lunch and by 4:30 they were finished.

Through out the process every time Hubs and I would try to do something they kept telling us, "oh ma'am we will get that or sir I'll do that." They would not let us lift a finger. 

Because of this group and the men who answered our call we are now in the drying out stage of our home.

At the end of their time with us they asked us to pray with them and Hubs lead the prayer. 

In the 22 years that we have been together I can count on one hand how many times he has either cried or gotten choked up by events, Saturday was one of those days. My emotionally strong husband was brought to tears and almost could not finish praying. 

Hubs and I will forever be grateful to the men that came to help. There is no way we can ever repay each of them for the time they spent working on my home. 

So in the craziness of Post Hurricane Harvey, these guys were the bright spot in my day. 

We Must Never Forget

We must never forget 9-11 and what that means for our country. I'm sure each of you can remember exactly what you were doing when you heard the news, I know I do.

2977, we must never forget. I will never forget.

73 3/4 Inches

If you know how to convert inches to feet, which I did not, 73 3/4 inches translates into 6 feet 1 inch.

That is the amount of water of my home had in it. Think about that for a minute. That is taller than most women, and I'm 5'3".

Today we were able to fix the content removal of the livingroom, dining room, and all of the kitchen cabinets. We also removed the contents of the boys rooms and pulled up the carpet and padding as well. 

Tomorrow is the removal of the contents of our bedroom, closet and both bathrooms in our house. Then we can start pulling the sheetrock from floor to ceiling and removing all of the kitchen cabinets. 

This is what I am affectionately calling DEMO DAY! Yeah, I stole the line from the show Fixer Upper. I love that show and I keep thinking how cool would it be to have them come and demo my home and then rebuild it. But I don't see that happening but a girl can dream. 

Also, today I sat on a huge tarp on my front lawn for three hours with the Rubbermaid I found in the bottom of my hall closet that had all of the boys baby pictures and a few school photos and sports photos. I was so upset when I realized I left it. I sat there and pulled pictures apart and let them dry in the sun. It was really a bittersweet moment for me. 

I also found the Rubbermaid with all of the boys keep sake clothes. The outfits and blankets I used to wrap them in when I brought them home from the hospital. Their first birthday outfits and their one year picture outfits. And several other items that has significant meaning. All filled with nasty flood water and ruined. It was very difficult to walk and put that Rubbermaid on the side of the road along with all of the other trash. I cried the entire way there and the entire way back to the tarp. 

I sit here tonight grateful for my family and that we are all safe. Grateful for friends and friends of my boys that came to help. Grateful for services that offered to help haul out wet items and demo our home. Grateful to my sister and brother in law who have opened up their home to us. My heart is heavy for our loss but it is also grateful for the many blessings that have been bestowed upon us in the past few days. I pray that they continue. 

I realized I don't normally blog on the weekends but as I set the date for this post I truly had no idea what the date was let alone what day of the week it was.  

#harveysucks

Hurricane Harvey Sucks

Well it's been a while since I've truly written here and now seems like a good time to clear my head. 

My boys had their first day of school August 21, R1 is a senior and R2 is a 7th grader and one week later we were evacuating for Hurricane Harvey. 

And just a few days later we learned that our house had 7.5 of water. To say that I am devastated in really an understatement. There are truly no words. 

We were finally able to get into our home on Wednesday September 6 to witness the damage first hand. All I can say is it looked like someone filled my home with water and then lifted it off the foundation and shook it up and then set it back down. One of our end tables floated from the livinroom and down the hall and into R2's room. 

We started the process of removing the furniture and carpet but it's long and slow when you only have the four of you as so many other people you know are dealing with the same issue. I hope and pray each day we have more help and this process goes quickly but I as no one comes to help I only get more disheartened. 

Trying to remain positive in this horrible situation is difficult but I'm determined to do so for my kids. 

I'm asking that if you some how find yourself reading this blog, that you pray for us.  Pray the house cleaning and demo go quickly. Pray that God will give us comfort and strength as we take on this task. Pray that we are drawn nearer to Him during this process. And I know it's trivial but please pray that some people come to help. 

Thanks!