Thursday, December 31, 2015

Good Bye 2015, It's Been Real. Hello 2016!

Well it's the last day of the year. 2015 has come and is just a few hours of being gone. This year has truly flown by and I'm still trying to figure out where March, July, and August went. 

I blinked and just like, they are gone. 

As I look back on 2015 I realize life happened. The mundane of everyday turned into something wonderful and made me realize that life, family, and friendships are precious. 

The boys and their activities took up a lot of our time but I wouldn't trade a moment of it. R1 made the baseball team at school his Freshman year and he had a fabulous season. R2 made All-Stars for basketball and in the process he realized he like basketball but he loved baseball more. 

R2 has excelled with his new Dyslexia teacher at school. He is actually enjoyed school more and this makes me happy. And as with everything school related for him I continue to have a fight within myself making sure I've left no stone unturned when it comes to his education. 

I took some time for myself and went on a girls weekend to the beach and had a blast! In fact we had so much fun we are talking about taking trip in January. For me and another friend it will be some much needed laughter, relaxation, and fun. 

We had a small living room remodel and I busted out my DYI skills and painted the tile on the fireplace and we had cabinets with bookshelves installed. Oh and just yesterday we bought some new furniture and had it delivered. I feel like such a grown up. 

In October I hit a deer with my car. R1 and I were driving home from a meeting and the deer ran out in front of me. R1 laughed when the deer got up and ran off. He also laughed at me when I called Hubs and he didn't believe me when I told him I hit a deer.  I was glad R1 wasn't driving, he's still to much of a novice. The car was fixed and I'm thankful there wasn't more damage than there was.  

Another highlight of my year was my beloved Astros made the playoffs. It was absolutely amazing to watch them. There were many nights the four of us gathered around the tv and cheered, screamed, and high fived one another. I am thankful for the memories the passed Astros season created. 

And with the passing of my dad in November my year kind of tanked. Without Hubs and my three best girls, Beth, Christy, and Sonya, I don't think I would have made it. There are still days I feel this way but they all know me so well and one of them is always there to help me. All I can say is that some days are better than others and the bad days are pretty dark. But I also know it is part of the grieving process. I read some where not to long after daddy died about a woman who lost a parent and how she no longer cried with sadness but cried with happiness from the memories. This is my goal, at some point to remember my daddy and as the tears stream down my face I will realize happiness has replaced the sadness. 

Tonight is New Year's Eve and two of the BFF's are coming over and we are eating a ton of food, watching some football, laughing till our sides hurt, and popping fireworks. I'm looking forward to it. 

So good bye 2015 and hello 2016.  

Friday, December 25, 2015

Merry Christmas 2015

 For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, 
Prince of Peace.
Isaiah 9:6

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Just Not Feeling It

Well where do I start this post? Sure there is a lot of stuff running around in my head but it doesn't amount to much to write out here on this blog. 

I'm just not feeling it. I'm feeling more like the Grinch this year with a heart that is two sizes to small. Oh not being greedy or stingy, I'm just not feeling the Christmas spirit this year. 

I've put the tree up and decorated the mantel. I've put the wreath on the front door too. I've purchased gifts galore and wrapped till I almost ran out of wrapping paper. 

I've celebrated at church with our annual Christmas musical. I've watched my boys be shepherds and kings. I've decorated the church gym for the annual Taste of Christmas feast after the musical performance. I have served and cleaned up till I felt like I was going to drop from exhaustion. 

Oh and we've baseballed and basketballed in there too. And those of you that know me know where my happy place is...sitting right behind home plate watching the sport that I loved being played by the boys that I love.

 I'm doing what I call "faking it, till I make it". I've dressed the part and put on a smile on my face and laugh in my voice, but I don't feel it. It all feels fake and superficial to me.  

But I know why I feel this way. I miss my dad. 

No amount of Christmas cheer, music, food, basketball, and baseball is going to make me feel better at this moment. 

I know all of these feelings are very normal. I know that when the deep sadness hits that I'm supposed to sit in and let it out. I also know not to stay in that sadness and pull up my boot straps and move on. 

But right now, I just want my dad.