Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Three Long Weeks

This past week I've found myself picking up the phone to call my dad. Twice I have actually hit the button on my phone with his name only to very quickly hit end call. 

My dad and I never went longer than three days with out talking. These past three weeks have been challenging. 

Just today when I was leaving work I grabbed my phone to call him and tell him I'm BACATION. It's supposed to be vacation but when my brother was little he used to say bacation and it's just stuck. Every time one of us was on vacation we would call the other and as soon as they answered the phone let them know we were on BACATION!

And now high school baseball season is almost here and several things have happened this past week that my dad would have thought funny or interesting. 

It's just been difficult. I can't believe how quickly time has gone by. It seems like yesterday I was standing in the hospital hallway. 

There are good days where I only get choked up thinking about him and then there are the other days, the ugly days, for now I'll just leave it at that. 

I read an article yesterday where an adult lost one of her parents and as time went on she realized she no longer cried with sadness but cried with happiness because the love that flowed from her parent was so great and so strong you couldn't help but feel happy. I want to feel this way. I don't want my dad's passing to be sorrowful. I want it to be just like that. That his love for me was so strong that I felt it each and every time I was with him. 

I know I will get there. I know this is a process. I know God is still carrying me through the days. I know he only lets those ugly days come when he can hold me and whisper to my soul that I am going to be OK. But right now, I just want my daddy.

Monday, November 16, 2015

The Grief Journey

Never in a million years did I ever think I would be on this journey, the grief journey. 

Oh sure you know as you get older loved ones will pass away but you never fully comprehend it. Let me explain.

I was in my early twenties when I first experienced death. It was my great grandmother and while I loved her dearly I don’t think I ever fully grieved. I was young and there was still so much of my life left to live. Then a few years later my great grandfather died and again I was still young and life went on.

 A heart attack took my grandmother way too soon for my liking.  I was 33 when she went to heaven and I remember it like it was yesterday. All I can say is I was shattered.  Shattered like I had to pull over into a nearby McDonalds parking lot and cry. The next thing I remember is my boss knocking on my car window. And death paid me another visit. This time it was seven years later and it was my husband who lost his grandmother.

Fast forward all those years to November 2, 2015. The man I thought who would live forever, one of the greatest men I have ever known in my life past away.  My sweet daddy went to heaven.

When I tell you am devastated, I mean devastated, destroyed, crushed, and everything in between. There are no words for the grief journey I am on. One minute I’m fine and life is going along just as it should and then BAM I’m in a full on ugly cry.  Oh and let me tell you, I have had a few moments deep in the ugly cry where I said a few strong words to God about him taking my father and so on.

It is in those moments when I am screaming at God that I realize I am the most comforted. I knew I had faith in the Lord but I never knew just how deep that was faith until this. God has carried me. He has loved me, held me, and cherished me. He has let me say things to him that I would never say under normal circumstances. He knew that I would never be able to withstand the constant griping pain in my heart so he has let it come to me when he knew he would be able to ease my grief.  He knew I would need him to see me through this time in my life and he has never once left my side. He has let me know each day in some small way he is right there for me to sit in his lap and just be. I am so thankful we serve a gracious God. 

So to my sweet sweet daddy, I love you and I miss you dearly.  I take comfort in knowing you are with your parents and sister again. And I look forward to the day I can wrap my arms around you and hug you forever.  

Monday, November 9, 2015

The Greatest Man I've Ever Known

My heart is broken. 

I love you my sweet daddy and I will miss you.

Thursday, October 29, 2015

A Deer Mishap and Other Things

Well I think my mourning period is over. The world series has begun and my beloved Astros are not playing. And to be honest I haven't watched either game. R1 has watched and I've listened and he is cheering for the Mets and me well I'm not cheering for either team. 

Things have been kind of crazy busy around here. We've had baseball or lessons. We've had homework, all of us. Mountains of homework. And I'm half way through the semester and I'm still not feeling it. I'm dreading the Spring semester and it doesn't start for two and half more months. 

We had homecoming and all of the events prior to. Dress up days at school where I failed to take pictures of my boys each morning. However this week has been red ribbon week and I thought I would redeem myself but alas, mom fail. Until Tuesday where I remembered to take a picture of R2 dressed in orange for "orange you glad you do not do drugs" day. But Monday and Wednesday went with no picture. We will see how tomorrow goes. 

The biggest news is not the best news. I hit a deer last Monday on my way home from a school board meeting. Yep my car that was only a year and a half old does not look to good. There are several things I am thankful for. 1. R1 was not driving. I picked him up at a friends after the meeting and asked if he wanted to drive and he said he was to tired, so I drove home. 2. I only hit the deer going about 40mph so the air bags did not deploy. I was also driving the speed limit which is 65. I usually go faster than that so as soon as I saw the deer pop up from the ditch on the other side of the road and begin to move across traffic I slammed on my brakes. 3. On the two lane highway where I hit the deer there were no cars behind me and no cars coming toward me in the other lane. This is a very busy highway and for this to happen was and depending on how you look at it, it was a small or huge miracle. 4. The insurance company said since this is a no fault accident it is covered under my comprehensive coverage so the deductible is half of what the collision deductible is. And 5. I only did about $3,500 damage to my car. The bumper, grill, hood, and fenders will all need to be replaced. And the insurance adjuster said the deer's antler pierced the A/C condenser so that will be replaced as well. Ahhh the joys of living in a small town during hunting season. So hopefully by the end of this week I will have my car back. Oh and the deer, well he rolled into the ditch and then got up and ran off. I'm sure he went into the woods to die and if I would have been thinking clearly I would have called a friend to go track him for me but I was just excited that R1 and I were OK. 

So other than the amount of rainfall we received from Hurricane Patricia this past Saturday/Sunday nothing really exciting has been going. Unless you count the fact that I didn't even get deer meat after the accident. 

Peace out y'all!

Monday, October 19, 2015

Homecoming 2015

This past weekend was homecoming so the weekend was filled with a flurry of things we needed to do.

I like homecoming. I enjoying seeing all the kids dressed up. The boys always look handsome and the girls are always beautiful. 

R1 and his date were stunning! (but I'm a little partial to them) 

Here you can see for yourself. Stunning!

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Thank you Astros

Thank you Astros for an amazing season! I'm sorry it's over. 

But on the bright side, it's only 173 days till opening day!

Wednesday, October 14, 2015


I know I haven't blogged about the Astros loss on Monday but honestly I was so frustrated with it I had no words. 

How do you blow a 4 run lead to lose 9-6. I totally blame A J Hinch and Will Harris. Hinch should have pulled him after he gave up two hits. And Harris needs to learn how to become a better relief pitcher to keep us in the game.  

I know it seems harsh but when you are in a playoff situation and you are up and then your relief pitchers come in an blow that lead, well you can't win a game. 

This is how I felt Monday night. 

And since I am a true blue Astros fan I can say this...It's game day boys. It's do this or go home.