Monday, December 5, 2016

The Christmas Village

When Hubs and I were dating we used to spend a lot of time with his grandmother. She was an amazing woman who loved her family. She also loved Christmas time. 

She would decorate the inside of her house in October so she could enjoy it for a much longer time period. One of her most prized decorations was her Christmas village. Every year she would add one or two pieces to her collection. 

Hubs had always loved her Christmas village and so as the years went by and she got older,  little by little his grandmother would give him pieces from her collection until he had them all. Early on in our marriage I would put them out all over our house because the collection was much to large to put in one spot. Over time I would eventually scale back and only end up putting out about half of the village. And eventually when we started having children I stopped putting out the village all together.

Last year R2 discovered the large storage crate that held Pam-Maw's entire collection and he wanted to put it out

So this year again, R2 has decided this is now his responsibility every year to put out Hubs' grandmother's Christmas village.

This isn't even half of her collection. I think Pam-Maw would be proud. 

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Tryptophan Coma Has Worn Off

I think it's safe to say we are all out of our turkey induced coma from Thanksgiving. 

Our Thanksgiving break was filled with a lot of car traveling, well for me anyways, the rest of my bunch had a relaxing time at home. 

My sister in law and niece asked if I wanted to join them for a quick trip to Knoxville, Tennessee. I love spending time with so of course I jumped at the chance. However 12 hours in the car one way doesn't sound like a like time but just sitting there and driving on and on and on, well you get the point. It seemed like it took a sweet forever before we pulled into Knoxville.

My niece was attending a dance class offered by the University of Tennessee and I figure since I was there I would take a quick tour of the campus. All I can is the SEC does it up right. I can't even begin to describe how beautiful the university was. My niece had such a great time at the dance camp that she was thinking of way to get R1 to go to school there with her. She had it all planned, they would get an apartment together and share this and that. It kind of made me sad that I had to break to her heart. When I called R1 to tell him of her plans his response was quick and sharp, HECK NO! I HATE THE VOLS! So that put an end to those plans. Sorry, Tennessee, I tried.

When we returned home three days later is was a flurry of trying to get ready for Thanksgiving and I was truly grateful we were having a low key one this year. 

Then Black Friday was upon us and it was time for my annual shopping trip with my BFF and her daughter. We had a great time and found some fabulous deals. However, 12 hours of shopping after spending two 12 hour days in the car did me in. Hubs and I were supposed to go to Houston on Saturday and I told him I just didn't think I could another trip in the car. So I stayed close to home and piddled around until I got all of our Christmas decorations up and put out. 

Now December is here and I need to find time to wrap the presents I purchased on Black Friday and wait for the presents that I ordered to arrive. we also have baseball lessons, basketball practices and games that are now thrown into the mix which are keeping us quite busy. So really nothing to exciting going on other than everyday life. 

Now I'm off to find the pretty bows I purchased last year after Christmas so I can get started wrapping those gifts.


Friday, November 11, 2016

Veterans Day 2016

Today is Veterans Day.

Let us not forget the reason we celebrate today.

Let us remember all of the soldiers past and present who fought to give us our freedom.

The ones who gave their lives and the families they left behind.

The ones on the front lines now who are missing their spouses and families and in return they are missing them.

Let us remember the past wars so that we may not repeat them.

Let us just remember what this day means for all of us.

And if you see a soldier today, thank them, hug them, shake their hand, because they deserve so much more

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

365 Days

It's been 365 days since I last heard your voice.

One year later my heart still breaks into a million pieces when think of you or see a picture of you. 

Grief is a strange thing. There are days when it feels bearable. Almost like I can make it through the day and think of you and smile. Other days it's just right there below the surface bubbling and waiting to spill over. Waiting to drown me in it's sorrow.  Oh how I long for the day when I can remember you and not dissolve into tears.  

I love you Daddy and I am impatiently waiting for the day I can run into your arms and hug your neck. I just might never let go.

Friday, October 28, 2016

Happy Early Halloween

Want to know what's been going on since my last post?


Life has been going on. 

There really hasn't been anything wonderful or super exciting going on other than the normal day to day stuff. School, work, rinse, repeat. 

I finished up my semester the middle of October and I'm technically on Thanksgiving/Christmas break until January. R1 had several weeks of Fall baseball so that kept us busy. R2 starts basketball in few weeks so that will continue to keep us busy. I've also spent a few Friday nights watching my niece dance for her high school drill team.  

Tonight the school where my boys attend are playing the school where my nephew and niece attend. My nephew and I have been talking smack all week about who has the better football team and who's going to win. It's kind of bittersweet for me, we've doing this for a few years and he's a senior this year. 

I also had a few mom fail moments in there, for homecoming dress up week and red ribbon dress up week, I did not take one photo. Nope not one.

This is the first Halloween in oh say 15 years that I have not had to buy one costume. R2 made the decision that he is to old to dress up. I'm sure that will change the night before Halloween. So if you see me at the store trying to piece together something that resembles a costume while my eye begins to twitch, just gently pat me on the back as you walk by.

And there was this pumpkin carving that we did a few years ago that popped up on my memories on Facebook. It still makes me smile. 

Jack, Sonic, and Mario

 Well that about wraps up the month of October.  Happy Halloween!  

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Number 19

Nineteen years ago today in front of our family and friends Hubs and I said I do.

As usual when you get married in September you never have the opportunity to celebrate your anniversary until sometime in November after all of the back to school activities have died down and high school football season is almost over.  

This year is no different and we will be celebrating in style as I bring Hubs lunch at school from Subway and we watch R1 play baseball later in the evening.

Happy 19th anniversary Hubs. I love you more today than I did all those years ago when we said I do. 

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Time Changes Nothing

Grief, it's a funny thing. Some days it feels all most non-existent and other days, well it feels like it is strangling me and it won't ever let go. 

Those are what I call the bad days. 

When the pain of losing my dad grabs hold so strong and pulls me under. I can not describe how it feels other than to say this, when you are out on a boat and standing on the edge, looking down and you jump in and sink down into the water and open your eyes expecting to see some sort of light but you only see darkness. It is quiet and lonely and you are the only one there. 

Those are the days that I feel as if the pain of losing him will never end. The deep deep sorrow that grips my heart and pulls me in farther away from my life. It keeps me from being a good wife, mother, and friend. Probably just a good person in general. 

When those days come I just want to close the blinds, crawl into bed, and pull the covers up and not feel. And if I'm being truthful, which I am, I have done this a time or two. I hear this is normal. I hear it's normal to be so deep in grief that you don't want to feel anything. But I don't know what is normal when dealing with grief. How can anyone say what is normal when each of our journeys are different. 

I'm thankful that my God is loving and merciful and everyday on this grief journey he provides me with grace. I know it is how I make it through the days when the ache of missing my daddy is kept to the outer edge and not allowed to creep in. 

However, it's been ten months since I've talked to my dad. 304 days since I've heard his voice. Dad and I were extremely close. We never went more than three days without talking, even if we were upset with one another, we still called. I still miss the sound of his voice and being in his presence.

I would like to say that I've made peace with the pain of losing him but I haven't. It's always there just below the surface ready to burst out at any given moment. I still miss him just as much today, if not more, than the day he died. 

For me, time has changed nothing. Death changed everything but time has not.