Friday, October 13, 2017

It's Just To Hard

It's 10:50pm on Thursday night and I'm sitting in my nephews room because Hurricane Harvey flooded out home and we are staying with my sister in law temporarily while we wait on our insurance money to come in so we can move forward from this horrendous nightmare.  

I'm sitting here reflecting on the day. R2 had is first junior high pep rally and football game. He did great and his team won their game. 

But it's what happened between the time the pep rally was over and when his game started that I thinking about over and over. 

After the pep rally R1 and I ran by our house to check the mail. Yes the mail is still delivering out there and since we technically own the home our mail is still being sent there. Usually Hubs stops by on his way out and checks it but today he asked me too. 

So as R1 and I round the corner there is a truck sitting in my driveway with two people in it. I stop to let them and they motion me by. I point and then pretty much screamed at them, THAT'S MY HOUSE SO GET OUT OF MY DRIVEWAY! The windows in my car were up in the car so they couldn't hear me but R1 did and he knew I was mad. The truck pulled out and I pulled in. I got out of the car still yelling and screaming at them. But what I saw next did such and emotional number on me I don't think i will ever be able to go back there. 

Once again my baby's clothing was thrown all over the place, this time they were in the road. When the trash trucks made their first pass and hauled off the majority of the stuff, they dropped the rubbermaid full of their nasty baby clothes keepsake items. They were thrown all over my yard. I cried for hours as I took the time to pick them up and thrown them away for the second time.

Apparently two times was not enough because the truck that was making a second pass they ripped open the bag and again all of my baby's keepsake items were now tossed about in the street. That was more than I could bare. I started to cry and then got back in the car. I told R1 it was time to go and I just couldn't be there anymore. 

We left and headed back up to the school to watch R2 play his first junior high football game. When we got back to the school I told Hubs I can't go back to that house. It's to hard. 

It's to hard to see their baby keepsake items in the street. It's to hard to see the first house we purchased all those years ago just a shell. It's to hard to think about the life we had there and how desperately I just want to go home. It's just to hard to think about all that we have lost. It's just to hard. 

I keep thinking about the this was the house that we purchased to raise our family in. the house we brought our baby's home to. The house that helped shape our marriage and family into what it is. The house that built us. 

It's just to hard to think about all of it. It's almost like the mourning the death of a loved one but it just keeps coming back to haunt you. 

I don't think I will be able to go back to that house, at least not until we sell it and we need to get the little bit of stuff out of the attic that is still there. 

The loss is just to great and the emotional toll it takes on me, well I can't even begin to describe it.  

It's just to hard. 

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Having Grace

Recently we lost our house due to Hurricane Harvey. This particular storm sat on top of Southeast Texas and dumped more than 50 inches of rain in a span of 5 days. That is a years worth of rain in 5 days.  

Let your brain wrap around that one. 

This storm ended up putting 6 feet 9 inches of water inside my home and 7 feet 5 inches outside. So needless to say we are not currently living in our home. 

We are currently living with a family member and while it's not ideal we are trying to make it work. 

Some events unfolded early in the week around our living situation that just about brought me to my breaking point. It was very difficult for me to walk back into this family members home that evening with out being down right ugly. I had to remember my emotions were raw and they would cause me to react. When we did finally see one another after a long day at work and dinner out with my family I dug down deep inside and held a polite but short conversation with her and then I promptly retired to the room we are staying in. 

I realize that she has opened her to us and I am truly grateful for that. Because lets face it, who can afford a mortgage note and apartment rent at the same time. Not to many people. 
I realize that it's just as much an inconvenience for them as it is for us.

It's so hard to see the good when the things around you are so out of control. The good right now is my family is safe and we are all together under one roof, even if it's not our roof.

Friday, September 29, 2017

Hurricane Harvey One Month Later

I haven't been on here much because right now my life is such an emotional mess. 

It's been one month today, one extremely long month, that Hurricane Harvey hit and flooded my home. I'm not going to lie, every day has been a struggle. 

Our family is safe and together under one roof and we have all the comforts of home but it's not our home.  My sister in law and her family have taken us in. Their house is actually big enough and the boys have their space and we have ours but its just not the same. 

Our flood insurance adjuster came out last week on our anniversary to look at our home and take a few pictures. I handed him two flash drives full of pictures and he put them in his jeans pocket. I had three to four maybe six images of everything we owned. As we were removing the destroyed contents I was snapping away with my camera. 

I also had to fill out a contents spread sheet for the adjuster. That task alone was very daunting and emotion filled as I was looking at the pictures to fill out the spread sheet. It was a constant reminder everyday of what we lost and what I couldn't save. All I can tell you is that I cried everyday for a week and my emotional state was not good either. Realizing you didn't grab one of your children's baby books and didn't grab the folder with all of their awards from Pre-k to 5th grade nor did I grab the Rubbermaid with all of their keep sake items was more than I could stand. It was to much for this mama and her heart to handle.

This week the adjuster emailed Hubs and asked him if we had pictures to support the spread sheet. I told Hubs to give me the phone and I would handle it. I called the adjuster and asked him if he still had the two flash drives I had given him when he came that were loaded with pictures. He said let me look as I dump everything into a shared drive on my computer. He said he had them but wanted to know if they matched the spread sheet. I almost lost it at that point. I said I'm sorry but we have lost our house and everything in it. We had over six feet of water for 5 days. I took those pictures so you would have the documentation you needed and I would have memories of what we lost. I built the spread sheet with the help of those pictures. Everything in those pictures is documented in the spread sheet, I'm sure you will have no trouble finding the items mentioned. They may not be in order according to the sheet but they are there and you can scroll through them just as I did. He just replied with yes ma'am. 

Hubs and I also finally cleaned out his car which had kind of been our storage for cleaning supplies for our house. Since the house was now gutted down to roof, studs, and ceiling we could put those supplies in the garage area of the house and he could once again have his car back.  

I haven't really been back to our house because it's just to painful. I hate driving into our neighborhood and seeing everything torn apart. I hate seeing so much damage and every one's belongings on the side of the road. I hate that our entire neighborhood and the three others surrounding mind have all suffered the same amount of damage. I just hate it all. 

So now we are waiting on the insurance to send us the money so we can move forward with the process. I'm ready to be done with this process. I'm ready for it to be over.  I'm ready to move on. 

I just want to go home and I want normal. And I want it all right now. Harvey sucks!

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Twenty Years

20 years ago today I walked down the aisle to say I do to the man I fell in love with. 

We have built an amazing life together. We've had some wonderful times and some not so wonderful times too. But through it all we have always loved one another. 

I would not want to take this journey with anyone else. 

I love you Hubs! Here's to us and and many many more years together.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Waiting for the Disaster to Pass

Have mercy on me, my God, have mercy on me,
    for in you I take refuge.
I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings
    until the disaster has passed.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Hurricane Harvey Demo Day

Saturday Hubs and I were completely humbled by a group that came to our house and removed the contents, carpet, and padding of the last room in our home. 

They also demoed the entire home. In one day. All of it. Down to the studs.

The week before I had seen a post on Facebook that if you needed help from organizations such as Samaritan Purse, Habitat for Humanity, Baptist Men, etc. to call the phone number listed and they would create a ticket with your needs. So I called and created a ticket with them. They said they would be in contact in about three weeks. Honestly I pushed that information to the back of my mind. Friday afternoon they called letting me know they would be there the next day.

Saturday morning around 8:30 some men with the group, Mormon Helping Hands showed up and went to work. They only stopped long enough to eat lunch and by 4:30 they were finished.

Through out the process every time Hubs and I would try to do something they kept telling us, "oh ma'am we will get that or sir I'll do that." They would not let us lift a finger. 

Because of this group and the men who answered our call we are now in the drying out stage of our home.

At the end of their time with us they asked us to pray with them and Hubs lead the prayer. 

In the 22 years that we have been together I can count on one hand how many times he has either cried or gotten choked up by events, Saturday was one of those days. My emotionally strong husband was brought to tears and almost could not finish praying. 

Hubs and I will forever be grateful to the men that came to help. There is no way we can ever repay each of them for the time they spent working on my home. 

So in the craziness of Post Hurricane Harvey, these guys were the bright spot in my day. 

Monday, September 11, 2017

We Must Never Forget

We must never forget 9-11 and what that means for our country. I'm sure each of you can remember exactly what you were doing when you heard the news, I know I do.

2977, we must never forget. I will never forget.