Friday, February 5, 2016

Grief Changes Shape But It Never Ends

So Wednesday was kind of a rough day for me. It stared off alright but as the day progressed so did the heavy feeling of missing my dad. By the time work was over and I got home I was in tears. 

All I wanted to do was curl up in my bed an go to sleep. Instead I thought it might help looking a pictures so I dug out some photos and quickly realized this was not a smart move. The pain of missing my dad, my aunt, and grandparents was just to much. It brought me to the deep place within my heart where it becomes unbearable. I just sat right down on the bed and cried. 

After a while I put the pictures away, wiped my faced, and pulled it together before my family got home. I managed to get dinner ready, make lunches for the next day, and even do some laundry. But by the time Hubs and I sat down to eat I just couldn't take it, I broke down again. I told him I hated feeling this way. I let him know I hate how this grief stuff sucks me in and grabs hold. We talked for a while and then he did the sweetest thing for me. He told me to just go get in bed and he would take of all of the evening stuff around the house. Honestly it made me love him even more than I already do. 

I can say sleep is a beautiful thing. It always seems to help. The griping pain of grief has subsided enough and I'm feeling a bit more OK. I know this is just part of the process. There is no time frame for when this will be over, as it will never be over. Grief becomes part of you, a part of who you are. It changes you.

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Baseball Makes Me Happy

It's high school baseball season!  And not that I'm counting or anything but it's also 61 days till MLB opening day. Y'all know how happy this makes me? I can't even explain it. 

I've got something else to be even more excited about. This kid made the high school JV baseball team.  

Back in August of 2015 we talked with him about putting in the work and improving on all of his skills. I am proud to say he put in that extra work, 3-4 times a week. He has a phenomenal catching coach who has worked with him and helped him get more comfortable behind the plate while honing his craft. It's been awesome to see the transformation.

R1, I can't wait to watch you play this year.  It's going to be amazing!

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

How To Say No

I read an article yesterday about how to say no in three sentences. And just in case, the three of you who read this blog are interested, here is the link to that article. 

This article hit home for me as recently I evaluated the things I have said yes to.

I sat and prayed over those things I am involved and literally asked does this bring me joy? Does it take more time away from my family than I am willing to give? Does it stress me out to be involved? Do I lose slept over it? 

As I started to analyze each club or team that I belonged to and ask those questions, I realized my answers were yes to the majority of them. 

It was at that point I decided to step away from the groups. I can say I took the classy road and thanked each person that asked me to participate and let them know I was taking a step back. 

I didn't totally back out from everything, I kept myself involved in two things. And to be honest I'm still considering those two things. 

My family time and personal time are precious. I do not want to be involved in things that take away from them.

So as the new year moves forward and if the opportunity arises for me to be involved I have decided to be very picky about what I am involved in. 


Thursday, January 21, 2016

Happy 11th Birthday R2!

 This little firecracker turns 11 years old today. 

Eleven years has gone by so fast. I feel like just yesterday you were five and I was walking you down the kindergarten hallway at school and BLINK, now you are eleven.

Your laugh is infectious. Your wit is humorous and you use sarcasm at all the correct times. You have a love for the outdoors and when ever possible you are outside. You enjoy baseball and basketball and I love to watch you play. You are very encouraging to your teammates, always telling them good job or giving them a high-five. You have a fierce love for your brother, dad, and me. You have a love for God so big it amazes me. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY R2! I love you!

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

The Great Sickness Of, Who Am I Kidding, We've Started Out Every Year Sick

Yep, we've started off every year for the last six years with someone being sick. The only year we didn't was 2015 and it must have been a fluke. Or we were over exposed to germs after being at Disney during Thanksgiving and we had built up our immunity.

This past week R2 had been feeling under the weather and running a low grade fever. Not enough for him to stay home but just enough for him to feel miserable. By Friday I knew I did not want to go into a long weekend with him sick so I took him to the doctors office. 

Let me say I love our pediatrician. He is amazing and so is his partner. My kids like both of them. There are two other doctors in his practice that I do not feel this way about and lets just leave it at that. So I called the pediatricians office Friday morning and our regular doctor was already booked for the day so I was stuck with one of the less than stellar physicians in the practice. I wasn't happy about it but my priority was R2 so off we went. 

The nurse took all the vitals and then put us in a room where we waited a few minutes before the doctor came in. He listened to R2's breathing and asked me if he had asthma. I said no and he said really? I'm thinking to myself at this point, hello!, you have his chart and if I said he doesn't have asthma and you are hearing something funny please let me know. He says nothing is wrong and to keep doing the over the counter meds we have been using for the past few days. Red flags are going off and I ask are you sure because he doesn't have asthma and if something is wrong we are going into a holiday weekend. He says he's fine and then tells us to have a good day. 

R2's cough just keeps getting worse all weekend and bright and early Monday morning I call the doctors office and make an appointment with our pediatrician. We go into the office at our scheduled time and our doctor checks R2 and out and then says he has bronchial pnenonmia. AWESOME, said no one ever. I thank out doctor and let him know that we were here on Friday and the doctor then didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with him. He apologizes and says a few other things to me and then sends over R2's three prescriptions to the pharmacy we use. 

So R2 now has daily breathing treatments, a steriod pack, and an antibiotic pack. And by last night he was feeling just a little bit better.

All that just say I'm tired of the great sickness. I hate it when my kids are sick and there is nothing I can do but sit with them. I'm ready for some wellness.

Friday, January 8, 2016

Hello 2016

Well I think it's safe to say that we have been adjusting to the new year quite nicely. Going back to school/work was a whole other issue but we have adjusted. 

We really enjoyed our two week break. We slept late, watched tv, and ate way too much food. 

The first week of was a flurry of family visits to celebrate the holidays. We had Christmas with my brother and niece on Monday and then on Tuesday we had Christmas with Hubs' side of the family. His parents are getting older and the issues that occur with age make for some hilarious events in our family. 

Wednesday Hubs and I saw the Blue Man Group. All I can about this is if you haven't seen them, you must! 

Thursday was Christmas eve and we attended candle light service at church and then went to the BFF's house for homemade pizzas and desserts. Then it was off to look at Christmas lights. Friday was Christmas where I proceeded to accomplish my goal of staying in my pj's all day. And I'm happy to report, it was glorious. 

And since too many days have passed since then I can not tell you what we did over that weekend. Sorry. 

The second week off was just as busy only it was running the boys to from baseball workouts or returning items that we didn't want. But Thursday everyone came over for some good old fashion grilled hotdogs, snack food, games, and fireworks. Yep that's how we roll on New Year's Eve. Oh and let me just say this, it was so cold while we popped fireworks in the rain that I broke out my portable propane heater that I use while attending baseball games in freezing cold weather. Here's the proof that I stayed nice and toasty warm. 

And once again on New Year's Day I managed to stay in my pj's all day. I think I finally took a shower around 9:00pm only to put on a clean pair of pajamas. 

Oh one other exciting thing that happened is that over the course of the first week I began to get more and more disgusted with our livingroom furniture. I like our couch, it's only two years old but the chairs, not so much. They needed to go. One of them is so old it's been around longer than Hubs and I have been married. So we made a trip to Houston to go look at furniture. I looked around our town but there wasn't anything that spoke to me and said oh I just have to be in your livingroom. And I can say that Hubs and I are now the proud owners of two new livingroom chairs. One chair is a leather power recliner. As R1 says we are fancy since we have a power recliner. Truth be told I would have preferred not to have a power recliner, to me that is just one more thing that can break and what if the power goes out, I can't put my feet up and relax. The other chair is what I call my mama chair. It's got a higher back and is over sized so I can sit sideways and hang my feet over the side. Or curl up in it with a good book and a blanket. 

I have decided that you know you are an adult when you get exciting about purchasing anyone of the following:

new car
building a home
new furniture
new appliances
new light fixtures/ceiling fans
new back porch furniture
new rugs

See, I told adult happiness!

And now I'm off to curl up with a blanket and a book in my new leather power recliner, because I'm fancy like that.

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Good Bye 2015, It's Been Real. Hello 2016!

Well it's the last day of the year. 2015 has come and is just a few hours of being gone. This year has truly flown by and I'm still trying to figure out where March, July, and August went. 

I blinked and just like, they are gone. 

As I look back on 2015 I realize life happened. The mundane of everyday turned into something wonderful and made me realize that life, family, and friendships are precious. 

The boys and their activities took up a lot of our time but I wouldn't trade a moment of it. R1 made the baseball team at school his Freshman year and he had a fabulous season. R2 made All-Stars for basketball and in the process he realized he like basketball but he loved baseball more. 

R2 has excelled with his new Dyslexia teacher at school. He is actually enjoyed school more and this makes me happy. And as with everything school related for him I continue to have a fight within myself making sure I've left no stone unturned when it comes to his education. 

I took some time for myself and went on a girls weekend to the beach and had a blast! In fact we had so much fun we are talking about taking trip in January. For me and another friend it will be some much needed laughter, relaxation, and fun. 

We had a small living room remodel and I busted out my DYI skills and painted the tile on the fireplace and we had cabinets with bookshelves installed. Oh and just yesterday we bought some new furniture and had it delivered. I feel like such a grown up. 

In October I hit a deer with my car. R1 and I were driving home from a meeting and the deer ran out in front of me. R1 laughed when the deer got up and ran off. He also laughed at me when I called Hubs and he didn't believe me when I told him I hit a deer.  I was glad R1 wasn't driving, he's still to much of a novice. The car was fixed and I'm thankful there wasn't more damage than there was.  

Another highlight of my year was my beloved Astros made the playoffs. It was absolutely amazing to watch them. There were many nights the four of us gathered around the tv and cheered, screamed, and high fived one another. I am thankful for the memories the passed Astros season created. 

And with the passing of my dad in November my year kind of tanked. Without Hubs and my three best girls, Beth, Christy, and Sonya, I don't think I would have made it. There are still days I feel this way but they all know me so well and one of them is always there to help me. All I can say is that some days are better than others and the bad days are pretty dark. But I also know it is part of the grieving process. I read some where not to long after daddy died about a woman who lost a parent and how she no longer cried with sadness but cried with happiness from the memories. This is my goal, at some point to remember my daddy and as the tears stream down my face I will realize happiness has replaced the sadness. 

Tonight is New Year's Eve and two of the BFF's are coming over and we are eating a ton of food, watching some football, laughing till our sides hurt, and popping fireworks. I'm looking forward to it. 

So good bye 2015 and hello 2016.