Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Second Day of Christmas Break

Christmas Break of 2016 is finally here. 

Hubs and I ran around town for a good part of the weekend and into Monday trying to finish up purchasing gifts for the boys and the rest of our family.

Today we woke up with nothing to do on our agenda. This is how sweet Cookie and I spent most of the day yesterday. 

All I can say is it was glorious!

Merry Christmas!


Monday, December 5, 2016

The Christmas Village

When Hubs and I were dating we used to spend a lot of time with his grandmother. She was an amazing woman who loved her family. She also loved Christmas time. 

She would decorate the inside of her house in October so she could enjoy it for a much longer time period. One of her most prized decorations was her Christmas village. Every year she would add one or two pieces to her collection. 

Hubs had always loved her Christmas village and so as the years went by and she got older,  little by little his grandmother would give him pieces from her collection until he had them all. Early on in our marriage I would put them out all over our house because the collection was much to large to put in one spot. Over time I would eventually scale back and only end up putting out about half of the village. And eventually when we started having children I stopped putting out the village all together.

Last year R2 discovered the large storage crate that held Pam-Maw's entire collection and he wanted to put it out

So this year again, R2 has decided this is now his responsibility every year to put out Hubs' grandmother's Christmas village.

This isn't even half of her collection. I think Pam-Maw would be proud. 

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Tryptophan Coma Has Worn Off

I think it's safe to say we are all out of our turkey induced coma from Thanksgiving. 

Our Thanksgiving break was filled with a lot of car traveling, well for me anyways, the rest of my bunch had a relaxing time at home. 

My sister in law and niece asked if I wanted to join them for a quick trip to Knoxville, Tennessee. I love spending time with so of course I jumped at the chance. However 12 hours in the car one way doesn't sound like a like time but just sitting there and driving on and on and on, well you get the point. It seemed like it took a sweet forever before we pulled into Knoxville.

My niece was attending a dance class offered by the University of Tennessee and I figure since I was there I would take a quick tour of the campus. All I can is the SEC does it up right. I can't even begin to describe how beautiful the university was. My niece had such a great time at the dance camp that she was thinking of way to get R1 to go to school there with her. She had it all planned, they would get an apartment together and share this and that. It kind of made me sad that I had to break to her heart. When I called R1 to tell him of her plans his response was quick and sharp, HECK NO! I HATE THE VOLS! So that put an end to those plans. Sorry, Tennessee, I tried.

When we returned home three days later is was a flurry of trying to get ready for Thanksgiving and I was truly grateful we were having a low key one this year. 

Then Black Friday was upon us and it was time for my annual shopping trip with my BFF and her daughter. We had a great time and found some fabulous deals. However, 12 hours of shopping after spending two 12 hour days in the car did me in. Hubs and I were supposed to go to Houston on Saturday and I told him I just didn't think I could another trip in the car. So I stayed close to home and piddled around until I got all of our Christmas decorations up and put out. 

Now December is here and I need to find time to wrap the presents I purchased on Black Friday and wait for the presents that I ordered to arrive. we also have baseball lessons, basketball practices and games that are now thrown into the mix which are keeping us quite busy. So really nothing to exciting going on other than everyday life. 

Now I'm off to find the pretty bows I purchased last year after Christmas so I can get started wrapping those gifts.


Friday, November 11, 2016

Veterans Day 2016

Today is Veterans Day.

Let us not forget the reason we celebrate today.

Let us remember all of the soldiers past and present who fought to give us our freedom.

The ones who gave their lives and the families they left behind.

The ones on the front lines now who are missing their spouses and families and in return they are missing them.

Let us remember the past wars so that we may not repeat them.

Let us just remember what this day means for all of us.

And if you see a soldier today, thank them, hug them, shake their hand, because they deserve so much more

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

365 Days

It's been 365 days since I last heard your voice.

One year later my heart still breaks into a million pieces when think of you or see a picture of you. 

Grief is a strange thing. There are days when it feels bearable. Almost like I can make it through the day and think of you and smile. Other days it's just right there below the surface bubbling and waiting to spill over. Waiting to drown me in it's sorrow.  Oh how I long for the day when I can remember you and not dissolve into tears.  

I love you Daddy and I am impatiently waiting for the day I can run into your arms and hug your neck. I just might never let go.

Friday, October 28, 2016

Happy Early Halloween

Want to know what's been going on since my last post?


Life has been going on. 

There really hasn't been anything wonderful or super exciting going on other than the normal day to day stuff. School, work, rinse, repeat. 

I finished up my semester the middle of October and I'm technically on Thanksgiving/Christmas break until January. R1 had several weeks of Fall baseball so that kept us busy. R2 starts basketball in few weeks so that will continue to keep us busy. I've also spent a few Friday nights watching my niece dance for her high school drill team.  

Tonight the school where my boys attend are playing the school where my nephew and niece attend. My nephew and I have been talking smack all week about who has the better football team and who's going to win. It's kind of bittersweet for me, we've doing this for a few years and he's a senior this year. 

I also had a few mom fail moments in there, for homecoming dress up week and red ribbon dress up week, I did not take one photo. Nope not one.

This is the first Halloween in oh say 15 years that I have not had to buy one costume. R2 made the decision that he is to old to dress up. I'm sure that will change the night before Halloween. So if you see me at the store trying to piece together something that resembles a costume while my eye begins to twitch, just gently pat me on the back as you walk by.

And there was this pumpkin carving that we did a few years ago that popped up on my memories on Facebook. It still makes me smile. 

Jack, Sonic, and Mario

 Well that about wraps up the month of October.  Happy Halloween!  

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Number 19

Nineteen years ago today in front of our family and friends Hubs and I said I do.

As usual when you get married in September you never have the opportunity to celebrate your anniversary until sometime in November after all of the back to school activities have died down and high school football season is almost over.  

This year is no different and we will be celebrating in style as I bring Hubs lunch at school from Subway and we watch R1 play baseball later in the evening.

Happy 19th anniversary Hubs. I love you more today than I did all those years ago when we said I do. 

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Time Changes Nothing

Grief, it's a funny thing. Some days it feels all most non-existent and other days, well it feels like it is strangling me and it won't ever let go. 

Those are what I call the bad days. 

When the pain of losing my dad grabs hold so strong and pulls me under. I can not describe how it feels other than to say this, when you are out on a boat and standing on the edge, looking down and you jump in and sink down into the water and open your eyes expecting to see some sort of light but you only see darkness. It is quiet and lonely and you are the only one there. 

Those are the days that I feel as if the pain of losing him will never end. The deep deep sorrow that grips my heart and pulls me in farther away from my life. It keeps me from being a good wife, mother, and friend. Probably just a good person in general. 

When those days come I just want to close the blinds, crawl into bed, and pull the covers up and not feel. And if I'm being truthful, which I am, I have done this a time or two. I hear this is normal. I hear it's normal to be so deep in grief that you don't want to feel anything. But I don't know what is normal when dealing with grief. How can anyone say what is normal when each of our journeys are different. 

I'm thankful that my God is loving and merciful and everyday on this grief journey he provides me with grace. I know it is how I make it through the days when the ache of missing my daddy is kept to the outer edge and not allowed to creep in. 

However, it's been ten months since I've talked to my dad. 304 days since I've heard his voice. Dad and I were extremely close. We never went more than three days without talking, even if we were upset with one another, we still called. I still miss the sound of his voice and being in his presence.

I would like to say that I've made peace with the pain of losing him but I haven't. It's always there just below the surface ready to burst out at any given moment. I still miss him just as much today, if not more, than the day he died. 

For me, time has changed nothing. Death changed everything but time has not. 

Sunday, September 11, 2016

September 11, 2001

2977, we must never forget. I will never forget.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Eleventh Grade and Sixth Grade

I swear this summer just flew by. I'm not sure if it's because we were so busy we couldn't keep the days straight or that we just didn't have anything really going on and the days all just melted into each other. 

But here we are as another school year begins.

I'm now the mom of an eleventh grader and a sixth grader. I just shed a tear as my breath hitched as I typed that sentence. It still has not sunk in that I have a junior in high school. When did that happen, how did that happen. I know how it happened, Father Time played a nasty trick on me and sped up the clock each day.

I'm OK with R2 going into 6th grade, really I am. I've been down this road before so it's familiar. I wasn't ready for R1 to start 6th grade but I know he was ready and it is the same thing for R2, he's ready and I'm not. 

All of this just means they are growing up and it is all just happening to fast for my liking. 

Here is the first day obligatory picture. They were both over it and clearly I wasn't. But you can't see the 4,286 pictures that I made them take that all sitting on my phone.


Sunday, August 7, 2016

Happy Birthday Hubs

Today Hubs turns another year older. 

This man has been my best friend and my rock. He's been my protector, advise giver and comforter. He's also been my chef, travel partner, and sporting event companion. 

 He has been the best husband and father I ever wished for. 

But he's been so much more than that. He's been the person that I've done life with for the past 21 years. I don't think I will ever be able to put into adequate words just how much this all means to me. 
You and the boys are my best dreams come true. I am truly blessed to be on this adventure with you. 

Happy Birthday Day and I love you!

Wednesday, July 6, 2016


It feels like yesterday you were this little. 

And then just like that I blinked and you turned 16. 


I will love you forever and ever.

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

One of the High Costs of Having a Teenager

So R1 turns 16 in a few short weeks. Today I called the car insurance company to see how much it would cost for us to him to our insurance. 

I have two words for you, Oh my! I think my head might have exploded just a tad bit when the very nice woman told me how much my car insurance would go up each month. I even asked her to double to check that I received my child minor discount since I have been with them for over five years. Not only did I receive that discount but because R1 has a better than "B" average in school I received another discount. See kids, good grades do pay off, in the amount of car insurance your parents have to pay in order for you to be able to drive a car.

I called Hubs and gave him the bad news. And right after those few words came out of my mouth my head began to pound. 

I immediately began to think about all of the kids out there who R1 is friends with whose parents car insurance will also go up but those parents who purchased brand cars for those kids. So now you are talking about a car note as well. 

I would love to give my kids everything their hearts desire along with what my heart desires for them to have. But that is just not going to happen. I refuse to go into that kind of debt at this stage in the game. 

Hubs and I talked about maybe buying him a brand new one when he graduates from high school that way it will last him all four years of college and few years beyond that and then he can purchase his next new car but that is a few years away. Right now I'm trying to absorb the shock of the increase to my car insurance. 

Well I'm off to find some Advil or a big glass of wine or both. Anything to help with the pounding that is going on inside my head.


Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Summer Ball

Ahhh, my happy place. 

Yep I like the sound of a baseball hitting the bat just right and you know it's going deep. I like the sound of metal spikes from baseball cleats hitting the cement. I also like to listen to all the smack talk from guys sitting in the dugout. 

My love for the game of baseball is a deep one. It goes back to when I was a kid and my dad used to take my brother and I to watch the Houston Astros play in the Dome. I have vivid memories of those times that I still cherish today. 
While I have enjoyed our break for a few weeks I'm glad to be back watching the kid I love doing the thing he loves. 

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Astros Weekend Fun

During the 2015 post season of Houston Astros several photographers captures the moment Colby Rasmus came out with his sweaty messy long hair, no shirt, a ski mask, and full champagne bottle that he proceeded to spay on anyone that was standing around him. It was an awesome moment and a pretty gross moment at the same time. 

The Astros organization decided to turn that moment into a never ending one with a free bobble head doll give away. The only difference was the bobble head was required to have a shirt. Once that give away date was announced and R1 found out about it he kept reminding us how he would love to get one of those and how we needed to go to the game. 

Hubs and I talked about it and decided that we get tickets as soon as they went on sale and we would keep it a surprise from the boys. So back in March Hubs purchased tickets to the June 4 game, Oakland Athletics vs. Houston Astros. We went three months of saying nothing. When R1 asked if we got tickets to the game we told him no, sorry they sold out so fast. He even brought up purchasing the tickets on StubHub. We just told him over and over they were unavailable. 

The plan was to tell them we had a birthday party to go in Houston and that it was outside so wear comfortable clothes. So the night before the game, I loaded up the back of the car with the boys' baseball gloves and Astros t-shirts. 

On the morning of June 4th we drove to Houston for the "birthday party". As we got closer to Minute Maid Park, R2 said can't we just skip the party and go watch the Astros play?  Then R1 chimes in with I would have liked to have gone to the game yesterday, it was the Colby Rasmus bobble head giveaway. Hubs said no that give away is today. R1 said no it was the 4th. Hubs replies, today is the 4th. And with that I said guess what we are not going to a birthday party, WE ARE GOING TO THE ASTROS GAME and then took the exit to get to the ballpark. 

The boys were both so stunned. R1 just kept saying, really we're going? R2 just sat in complete silence. I have to say it was an awesome moment. I'm glad Hubs and I kept it a secret.

Here are two happy boys!

Here is R1 with his Colby Rasmus bobble head doll. See I told you, awesome and gross at the same time. 

Our seats for this game were right behind the bullpen. It was great to see the most of the pitchers and catchers hanging out and interacting with the fans.

 I snapped this of Collin McHugh warming up before the game. 

And this one of Jason Castro taking a break after warming up.  

Here are all three of my boys having a little fun while going into extra innings. This seems to happen pretty much any time I ask them to take a picture, shenanigans!

And the best part, the Astros beat the A's 6-5! Way to play boys!

Thursday, May 26, 2016

This Kid Right Here!

I am so proud of this kid right here! R2 had awards day at his school yesterday and he received six. He received Student Council, Outstanding Science Student, Jurassic World Tour Guide, A/B Honor Roll Last 9 weeks, Famous Americans Participant, and the best award of all...Accelerated Reader Award. 

That's right folks, this kid who has dyslexia received the Accelerated Reader Award. What a testament to his hard work and his great teachers. His daddy and I could not be more proud of him. 

Way to go R2! You rocked 5th grade like the star that you are!

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

When You've Broken Up With Your Mother And It's Mother's Day

I love being a mother. It's one of the greatest things I've done in my life. Sure there are plenty of days where I feel like I have failed at my motherhood gig but it's the other days that out weigh that feeling and give me such a sense of pride. 

Isn't that what Mother's Day is about? When you look at your children and revel in their accomplishments. You feel that your heart is about to explode because you are just filled with so much love for them. And what about that moment when you realize you've helped them achieve something so great. It's those moments in life and your breath hitches and you just smile a grin that reaches from ear to ear. Yes, that's what it's all about, for me anyway.

But what do you do when you and your mother are no longer together, broken up and Mother’s Day no longer means the same thing for you as an adult as it did when you were a kid.

I read an article the other day about a woman who said her mother was more of an acquaintance to her since she made the decision to no longer have a substantial relationship with her.  I had a similar relationship with my mother only I chose to end the relationship with her completely. I haven’t spoken to or seen her in over 14 years.

My parents divorced when I was 18 years old and my brother was 14 years old. When I was younger my mom was great. She did all the wonderful things that parents do, go on field trips, put little note cards in my lunch, volunteer at school and a host of other little things. But something changed in her after she and my dad divorced. I have always referred to it as the time my mom went off the deep end. She became a bitter woman. She was spiteful, hateful, angry, controlling, and down right vindictive.

She left my brother and I shortly before I turned 19. I came home from college one day and she was packing. She informed me that she was moving with her boyfriend to Louisiana and my brother and I were not going with her.  I ended up taking care of my brother who was by now 15 for a few months until I was no longer able to do so.

It was a few years after my mother moved that I was finally able to finally reach out to her. I was quickly reminded that she was no longer the mother that I remembered from my childhood.  My grandmother had always wanted us to try and repair our relationship and because I loved my grandmother dearly, I tried. It was extremely difficult and my husband saw what a toll it took on me each time I spoke with her.

Several years later my grandmother passed away and mother called my house and left me a message on the answering machine. A very brief and very cold message.  It was at the point I made a conscious decision to cut all ties with this woman I no longer knew. Oh trust me I agonized over my choice for months before I finally broken down and wrote a letter to her. Somewhere along the way when I became a mother myself I realized this was not a healthy relationship for me or my family. I did not want my son to be exposed to her actions. But once I finally made the decision to “break up” with her I never looked back.

I wrote her one last letter letting her know of my decision and what had lead me to make that choice. As soon as I placed that letter in mail box I felt as if a 4,000 pound weight had been lifted off of me. About a week later I received a reply from her. I read it and then threw it away. Her words no longer hurt me they way that had in past. My decision had freed me.

But for some reason once a year as Mother’s Day approaches my mind wanders back to my childhood and the mother I had then. I’m not sad of over my choice and don’t regret it, I made peace with it years ago. 

But as I reflect back I can’t help but look forward too. And I am reminded of the mother I want to be. A mother who is kind and gracious. A mother who is there for the good times and the bad. A mother who will lift up her children when needed. A mother who is supportive and offers guidance. A mother who’s children knows that she has their back. A mother who is her children's biggest fan. A mother who wraps them in the tightest hug if only for second and tells them everyday how much they are loved. A mother who snuggles most every time her children ask. But most of all a mother who loves unconditionally and without end.

Thursday, April 28, 2016

I'm Sad It's Over

Highschool baseball season ended for R1 Tuesday night and we ended it with a win. We played 25 games in two months and we traveled over 1600 miles. 

Thank you for the memories this season R1, I love to watch you play!

Monday, April 11, 2016

The 'Stros Are Back

Way to start of the home series boys! It's going to be a great season!

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

12 Days, 15 Hours, 27 Minutes, and 32 Seconds

Till one of my favorite days of the year, opening day for Major League Baseball.

All I can say is...

Let's go 'Stros! It's gonna be a great season!


Tuesday, March 15, 2016

It's Just Not The Same

It was my birthday a few days ago. Yep, I still have those, age usually does not bother me. This year I did pause for a brief moment and think to myself, dang! you are getting old. 

I received all the normal calls and text messages from family and friends but one was missing, my dad.

He always called me the day before and the day after my birthday and would sing to me, Happy Un-Birthday to you. And on the actual day he would call and sing Happy Birthday full blown with gusto in such a loud voice it made my ears hurt. I missed that this year. I have him singing to me on a voice mail but I could not bring myself to listen. The emptiness of him not being here weighed heavy on me and I just really wanted a semi happy day. 

I miss that man more than I ever thought possible. I keep telling myself time will lessen the hurt. But for this, time is moving so slowly. 

I am looking forward to the day when I am finally able to listen to that sweet sweet voice mail from my daddy and smile.