Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Kindergarten, double digits, and a few tears

So Monday night I was sitting at the dinner table filling out a Kindergarten admissions packet.

My baby, R2, will be starting Kindergarten in August. And to add to that my other baby, R1, will be turning 10 this year. Double digits.

Anyway, as I sat there I started to think about the past and how fast time has flown since the boys were born.

For R1, when I took that walk down the Kindergarten hallway, I could not believe 5 years was gone. I blinked and poof he was five.

I held it together until I got back in the car and silent tears spilled from my eyes. I knew one day we would have another child so I could take that same walk but 5 years worth of memories came flooding back.

Like when I would take him to his sitter in the morning and he would hug me good bye and tell me to have a "gwait" day. Or when we rented a moon walk for his 3rd birthday and he said this was the best day of his life! When he and I would snuggle on Saturday mornings and watch cartoons.

Now in just a few short months he will turn 10. I'm not ready for this. He is, but I'm not.

I am so proud of him. Proud of who he is and who he has become. My heart swells and feels as if it will burst out of my chest when I think of him.

I know this all part of growing up but this mama just wants to hold that child close who still wants to snuggle with me and keep him chin high forever.

OK just thought you would like to know, big tears streaming down my face.

But now it's my baby's turn. My last walk down the Kindergarten hallway. Last time to have that tiny hand in mine as we walk in to see his teacher, who is so excited to see him she can hardly contain herself.

Once again I begin to think. About a sweet baby who would lay his head on my shoulder and I would drink in his baby smell. What happened to all the bottles, diapers, and baby food? Did he ever crawl or did he just start walking? When did he grow tall enough to turn on the bathroom light with out his step stool?

And like R1, he's ready, I'm not.

OK, I'm kinda ready. I'll be honest, I'm ready for no more daycare/preschool expense.

I'm ready to have them both with Hubs at school. And this will be the only year they will both be in the same school at the same time.

As much as I want to resist, I am excited to see the boys grow. Excited to see them accomplish things they try to do. I can not wait to see what life has in store for them.

But as I sat there with my memories, I could help but feel blessed. I have such a good life. A life filled with family, love, and laughter.

And in the end that is all I have ever wanted.


Brooke said...

you are a very blessed woman *hugs*

Soliloquy said...

I'm about 5 years ahead of you and suddenly feeling a little guilty that the idea of college makes me giddy....

It's not that I want them gone - but after 14 years of having them home all day every day (home schooling) - I have loved EVERY MINUTE of them being in school this year.

Is that bad?


Lou Cinda @ Tattered Hydrangeas said...

Girl, I feel your pain~! And I am sorry to get's even harder! I did a post last June "The Apron Strings are Fraying" where Seth went to Vegas with friends. I thought I might perish before he returned home safely.....hang on girl! There are many memories ahead to make!

Lou Cinda :)

Genny said...

I know what you mean... time really does fly too fast. I know how you feel; I've been there!

gottaluvboyz said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. What a beautiful post this was...oh, how do I relate. The years just seem to fly by so quickly! Have a wonderful Mother's Day:)

{amy} said...

I'm a little behind on things, so I stopped by to do a little catching up tonight! I can totally relate to your feelings! I went to a meeting for middle school last night! How is my baby girl old enough to start middle school?! It all goes by so fast!